Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Boring Life Update

I will warn you in advance that this blog post will contain a lot of excuses as to why I haven't been writing lately. I'm not really writing this for anyone else but myself, and this post is nothing more than an attempt to shake myself back into action because BOY have I been slacking off on the writing front lately!

Life has certainly been getting in the way of me returning to the blogosphere. Being in control of my own life once again has been a blessing and a curse, and there have been days recently when everything has gone wrong at the same time. I was stuck at home with a horrible ear/throat infection for a while and I still have something going on with my throat that doesn't quite feel normal, my laptop's hard drive crashed because my dumb ass decided to turn it off halfway through an update, and other minor things that have all piled on top of me to make it feel as though I'm swimming through a sea of problems. But the major thing that has been taking up most of my time is the dreaded job hunt. Being unemployed isn't exactly a piece of cake, especially when you're actually desperate to get back to work, to get into a routine, and to earn your own money. However, assuming that all goes well (fingers crossed!), I'm due to be starting a fantastic new job in a few days' time! I can't shake off the feeling that something is going to go horribly wrong between now and my first shift, because most things I've been getting excited about lately seem to fail dismally, but I'm praying that everything works out just fine because this particular job sounds perfect for me.

Because I've been stuck in this job-hunting rut, I haven't really been engaging any of my creative muscles, so much so that any time I start doing something creative, I find myself worrying that it's a waste of precious time, and that I could be doing something - anything - else to help myself find a career or improve myself as a person. It has been an anxiety-inducing time in which I have barely been able to write a single poem, let alone a blog post, even though it's such a perfect time for me to be getting creative in theory - I'm in a wonderful new relationship, the summer weather is upon us, and Dundee is looking fabulous in the sunshine, and seeing my favourite city in full bloom is usually all the inspiration I need to get writing. I've also been inspired recently by the endings of some of my favourite sagas (Game of Thrones and Avengers: Endgame) to start thinking about how I could create something very special full of incredible characters and intriguing storylines. My boyfriend has introduced me to lots of new TV series and films that have also given me a nudge in the right creative direction, so I'm definitely going to have to start getting some ideas down on paper soon!

Even just tapping this blog post out has made me realise how long it has been since I actually sat down and wrote something that wasn't a job application email. I'm going to be spending any down time I have this weekend and this next week planning some new creative projects and some new blog posts. I want to branch out and explore new areas, maybe getting a proper YouTube channel going, making zines for my poetry and maybe some lyrical essays, and coming up with a proper blog schedule so that I end up posting at least once a week every week (possibly every Sunday). I'm just spitballing ideas at the moment, though. So much to do, so little time!

If anyone has made it this far into this post, then you're a real trooper. Now that I've gotten all of this off my chest, how about I leave this post here and actually get on with writing stuff that's actually interesting and exciting? Surely that would be a better use of my time! But I'm hoping that this personal and very rambly post will re-open the creative door that's been jammed shut for so long. I won't say that the creative door has been locked - maybe it's just a bit stiff and requires some oil for the hinges and some aggressive pushing in order to get it to open again. Anyways, here's to more creativity, and actually making use of the resources that I have right now!

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